For the past several months I have been running on a relatively minor injury. I have tendinitis in my right hip-pelvis area, probably caused by running. I did have a small fall a couple months ago, and although it might have contributed to the painful hip, I don't know if it was the cause of the current pain. Anyhow, I have had X-rays and been examined by an orthopedist and currently am taking a round of NSAIDs to see if we can treat the injury orally before considering a shot. In reality, compared with other injuries people run on all the time, its really not severe enough pain to complain too much about. In fact, I feel silly spending all this time talking about it. But I bring it up to explain what I really want to talk about: our perceptions of other people.
When I go running I am acutely aware of other people noticing if I am a slow runner or a fast runner. That's to say I am extremely self-conscious. I hate the idea that people might see me out on a run and think "wow, she needs to kick it up a notch." I know I shouldn't worry about these other people's judgements, and I have really battled those thoughts to a point that I am comfortable in my own shoes out on a run. One line of battle I use in my mental fight is, "they haven't seen the 4 miles I ran before this one," thinking that if that had seen those 4 previous miles they'd be easier on my current pace. Some other lines of battle are, "they aren't running these 8 miles with me," "they haven't seen where I started from," and"its so stinkin' HOT!" I know I am not the only person fighting mental battles when I run. As the old line goes, "running is 90% mental, the rest if physical."
Lately though, I have been fighting my mental running battles with a new line and applying the same line to my daily non-running mental battles as well; "They don't know my hip pain." If someone were to see me running, and pass judgement that I was running too slow or with a bizarre gate, they'd have no idea I was running on an injury. But the point of this post isn't to make myself feel better about what other people think of me. It is about what I have learned in the process. You see, I am just as guilty of noticing other runners and thinking, "C'mon, we can make it up the hill a little faster," or something similar. I know that being a runner I should be more compassionate knowing too well the pains and struggles they may be facing. And now that I do have a legitimate reason for running slower than I want to, I realize all to well that I have NO idea what battles other people are facing. I don't know if their knees are throbbing or their backs are in stitches. I have no idea if they are wearing old running shoes or have the worst shin splints ever. I really have no idea what battles other people face on a run-to-run basis.
Similarly, I have no idea what people are facing on a day-to-day basis either. I really have no idea why people do the things they do or how they do them. And running on a bum hip has caused me to realize that I need to be much more compassionate. So, my mantra lately has been "They don't know my hip pain." It's not a statement I say to make myself feel better when I do something ridiculous, rather, its a statement of reminder that I don't know your battles and I need to be nice. When I see someone taking up the entire aisle at the grocery store, I tell myself, "They don't know my hip pain." When I see someone taking a LONG time to make the right hand turn, I tell myself, "They don't know my hip pain." Its my reminder to myself that I ought to show some grace, some patience, and compassion.
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